I am a Career Tanker Now!

The title says it all, I am finally doing something that I should have done ages ago, but alas, I am finally “getting with the program” as some have put it. War Robots is unbelievably unfair and we all know it, with the monetization, broken matchmaker, and general disconnection between Pixonic and the players, so why should I have to play fair? All of the games are predetermined by the matchmaker or other tankers, the matchmaker is designed to put you at a 50% win rate all the time, and the league season and meta reset every month or so, so nothing matters, right? I can just play however I want and it never matters, so I may as well play however I want, right? I want to be able to blow up robots day in and day out, and the only way to avoid the indestructible what bots is to tank down to the lower leagues and beat up on players there (never mind that they are already filled with other tankers doing the same, meaning I will still face indestructible bots). Yeah, I will have to spend most of my time not blowing up robots since I will need to spend much more time tanking than seal clubbing, but as long as I get those magical couple of battles per few hours where I am king, it will all be worth it. I may have to spend hours of my life idly sitting in matches waiting for the clock to run out instead of doing something more “productive”, “stimulating”, or “fulfilling”, but that is fine. The end justifies the means, and as long as I am happy (why else should I be playing this game?), it does not matter who pays the price for my “sabotaged” matches (remember, nothing matters in the end!).



Now, I have been on the record talking about how I thought tanking was unsportsmanlike and a general waste of time (I could be rethinking my approach to War Robots, trying a new game, exploring a non-gaming hobby, etc.), so how do I respond to these criticisms now? Well, other than reiterating that nothing matters in the grand scheme of this game, I would like to point out that by playing that game as intended, you are an agent of Pixonic. Yes, that is right, by merely playing this game, regardless of how much you spend, your thoughts on Pixonic, or how else you choose to play the game, you are in cahoots with Pixonic. So, whenever I play a match, I am not playing with eleven other human beings, I am playing with eleven actors under Pixonic’s thumb, so the best and only way to defy the program is to tank and show your defiance to Pixonic. And yes, I do think Pixonic notices, because even though they seldom respond to help tickets, are slow to release patches to major bugs, and have not done anything about the people who have already been tanking for months or years, I bet that they notice when I, the defiant, free person that I am, am saying no to their rotten practices. I may have to play around their Low Priority Queue system and even spend a little to get that perfect kill-everything hangar I want, but I am doing it on my own terms with my own goals, unlike the puppets I play alongside.



So the question now becomes, what is my ultimate, long-term goal with this newfound approach to the game I have? Well, it is to enjoy War Robots on my own terms, free of the program established by Pixonic. Tanking is a simple three-step process of performing poorly with a bad hangar on purpose for several games, playing really hard with a powerful hangar for a couple games, and then repeating. It is free of the repetitive cycles that Pixonic subjects you to, and lets you run whatever hangar and play-style you want. This stupid little game has ruled over my life for far too long, so I am now going to spend all the time I can play it with this new mindset to show it and its rotten makers just how done I am with it. Pixonic does not win when I merely log in every day, they only win when I contribute to their system by feeding the matchmaker (which I do not do due to me tanking). So, to all of you up on your high horses, thinking you have mastered your way of enjoying the game through whatever means, wake up and see the reality of this game. Get with the program and leave Pixonic’s cycles, and only then will you be free.