Jokes

My 15 yr old told me this one...
"Helen Keller walks in to a bar... Then WALKS INTO a waitress... Then WALKS INTO a barstool... Then WALKS INTO a wall... Then WALKS INTO a .... "

New. Favorite. Thread.

Most of my favorites are unfit for public consumption, but I can stick to the clean-ish ones.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

...Elephino.

Eh? Eh?
...Tough crowd.

He-he-he

So I was cleaning grease off some chainsaw parts this weekend and had some gasoline in a can sitting on the floor of the garage. My dog walks in and I hear the sound of my dog lapping up water. I quickly realized that my dog was drinking the gasoline!

I get up to get the dog and he just takes off like a bat out of hell. He runs around the yard and I just can't catch him. I'm about ready to give up from exhaustion when he keels over, like he's dead. I quickly rushed him to the vet.

The vet told me he was fine...he'd just run out of gas...

Got a million of em, folks.

What's better than four roses on a piano

Tulips on a organ

DirtyLikaRat® said in 5 words game in 2 occasion about:
a Ppl worshipping him
b His awesome skill

Well, that's d joke folks

And you can't chase me with your Willie Dynamite nor Herb McNasty coz there're too slow

*runs away*

Quote from John Wick? The only word in that entire paragraph I wrote that was from John Wick was babayaga. All the rest came from me visualizing you in a diaper... That you went booboo in.. With your little stubby, crusty, urine scented thumb popped in your mouth, as you tremble with terror, from the terrible bodily raping you just received From Willie D and Herbie McNasty. Now for fear of getting banned by the big papas, I'll leave out the visualizing I was doing about your mom. But let's just say it didn't.involve you.. Or her teat. It was more reminiscent of a proctology exam performed by a contortionist with gigantism of his reproductive organs

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They are a very efficient people.

In over 50 years in existence, the All American Quarter Horse Congress has never been able to pass a bill.

All the members keep voting, nay.

So this Pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out the front of his pantaloons.

The Bartender says to him: 'Hey buddy, You know you have a wheel pokin' out of yer pants?'

The Pirate replies: 'ARRRRR, I DO know.'

'It drives me nuts!'

Actually, we don't use ordinary lightbulps anymore. You know why? They weren't efficient.

When I die, I want it to be while I am sleeping peacefully like my grandpa... not kicking and screaming like the passengers in the car he was driving!

Campers.